(with apologies to Ogden Nash)

Hi, everyone! And welcome to Write-Up For Yesterday, BttP’s guide to what the heck happened yesterday in baseball. We’re not gonna just hand you some scores here, because we trust you know how to type the letters E-S-P-N into your internet machine. Instead, we hope to give you a fuller and richer understanding of important goings on from yesterday in baseball. The big stories, and the noteworthy performances-good and bad.

STORY LINES AND NEWS CYCLE EPHEMERA

Fair readers, you can trust me when I tell you that when I switched over to the Pirates-Cubs game last night, I arrived just as Jung Ho Kang hit a bases clearing double in the 7th that gave the Bucs an 8-5 lead. You can trust me further when I tell you that my reaction to this was an aggrieved “argh, damnit.” Not out of any sense of animus towards Mr. Kang or his baseball club, but because a good baseball game had just become somewhat lopsided! The Cubs had six outs left, it was over. Fair readers, I tell you now that I am a fool. Wellington Castillo and Starlin Castro went to work across those six outs, and the Cubs won 9-8. Pretty good baseball game! Addison Russell debuted for the Cubs and went 0 for 5 with three strikeouts, which is awfully similar to Kris Bryant’s initial batting line. It’s just like that old scouting maxim: “all prospects are exactly the same.”

I might have misheard that!

Elsewhere in close games, a Bryce Harper RBI single was the only scoring until the 9th inning of the Cardinals-Nationals game. Drew Storen blew the save, but Yunel Escobar won it for the Nats with a walk-off homer in the 10th. Also a good baseball game! Ian Desmond struck out three times and left six men on base, but didn’t commit an error! Progress.

Elsewhere in close games, there were no earned runs given up in the Red Sox-Rays game, but unfortunately for Chris Archer, Ryan Brett’s throwing error led to Ryan Hanigan scoring on a ground out. This settles it: baseball teams should only be made up of players I have heard of. Five Red Sox pitchers combined for a shutout, led by Wade Miley, who might have the most pleasant pitch face in the majors.

Some games weren’t close!

The Blue Jays demolished the Orioles, in a game that featured Jason Garcia pitching behind Jose Bautista, Bautista looking at Garcia like he had decided just then to murder him in cold blood, and then this happened. Maybe the Orioles should stop making Jose Bautista mad! My favorite part of that video is the slow-motion replay of Bautista rounding the bases while cussing out all the Oriole infielders, and the fact that he is enunciating his cusses so clearly that they had to blur his mouth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that in a baseball game before. You can’t fault him for good elocution!

The Reds and Brewers hammered the ever-living snot out of each other, in a game that featured three grand slams. The Reds hit two in back to back innings, and took the win.

The Angels beat the A’s 14-1, which stinks for the A’s but is pretty cool for us because they let Ike Davis pitch! Oh, blessed day.

TWEETS WE LIKED

The ball just sounds different coming off Casey McGehee’s bat. Sounds like an unclasped belt buckle catching the side of a urinal.

— Sam Miller (@SamMillerBP) April 22, 2015

I was at Miller Park last night. It was really fun listening to a heckler call Zack Cozart, Zack Cofart approximately 1,425 times.

— Eric Roseberry (@Ericdroseberry) April 22, 2015

In orbit 230,400 #Altuves above the surface of the Earth, moving 4,800 #Altuves per second. Go #Astros! pic.twitter.com/YQiPvAg5ct

— Terry W. Virts (@AstroTerry) April 21, 2015

ARTICLES WE LIKED

David Roth has fun with college baseball player names

Sean Dolinar analyzes the debut of Statcast

Jeff Zimmerman keeps on keeping on with researching pitcher injuries

TODAY’S BEST PITCHING MATCHUPS

Corey Kluber (CLE) vs. Jeff Samardzija (CHW) (11:10 PT)

Two aces highlight this April death match between two 5-8 teams. Hopefully Samardzija will appear often enough in this feature that I finally learn how to spell his dang name.

Ubaldo Jimenez (BAL) vs. Aaron Sanchez (TOR) (4:07 PT)

Ubaldo hasn’t given up an earned run so far this year! He’ll probably give up nine or so tonight.

Clayton Kershaw (LAD) vs. Madison Bumgarner (SFG) (7:15 PT)

How funny would it be if Kershaw was like, actively jealous about everybody loving Bumgarner now? Like, I know Kershaw seems like the most pleasant man on earth (he calls the MTV prank show “Jackbutt”), but we know baseball players can be exceptionally petty at times.