(with apologies to Ogden Nash)

Hi, everyone! And welcome to Write-Up For Yesterday, BttP’s guide to what the heck happened yesterday in baseball. We’re not gonna just hand you some scores here, because we trust you know how to type the letters E-S-P-N into your internet machine. Instead, we hope to give you a fuller and richer understanding of important goings on from yesterday in baseball. The big stories, and the noteworthy performances-good and bad.

Here’s a philosophical question for all the miserablist sports fans out there: would you prefer your team lose by playing competitively and having victory snatched from them towards the end of the contest, or by having them stink up the joint from the very beginning? If you’re not sure where you fall on this continuum, Monday’s baseball was a veritable Choose Your Own Adventure novel in the ways to lose.

STORY LINES AND NEWS CYCLE EPHEMERA

If you prefer hope snatched away at the last second, I give you Cleveland (specifically the baseball team, although that’s a fair descriptor for the city in general). Trevor Bauer pitched seven shutout innings, and they held the White Sox scoreless for 25 outs. They never got around to getting those last two. Closer Cody Allen gave up four runs in the ninth, including a walk-off single by Melky Cabrera. It’s a rough loss, but this Cody Allen is a grown up baseball player, not the tween heartthrob who dominates the Google image search, so he’ll probably okay.

(which tween heartthrob do you think probably has the best curveball? My money is on Harry Styles)

Similarly, the Yankees took a 1-0 lead into the 7th against the Tigers, but that went to heck. CC Sabathia intentionally walked Victor Martinez with two outs in the inning and Rajai Davis on second. The next two hitters both got RBIs, and Martinez scored the winning run. Good job!

In the “oh god, why did we even show up today” category of losses: the Padres had a 9-0 lead over the Rockies after two innings. They’d add five more! The top of the Padres lineup would go 8-15 with six RBIs. The Rockies used seven different pitchers, but only walked one Padre. Alright!

An error helped Kris Bryant score on an inside-the-park home run in the Cubs victory over the Pirates. If he hadn’t spent those 12 days in Iowa, he probably would’ve fallen to his knees after crossing second base and tried to burrow himself into the infield dirt. Smart move, Theo! (also, the Cubs are reportedly calling up Addison Russell. Fun!)

Kansas City won again, over the Twins, and Kelvin Herrera pitched a whole inning without trying to put someone into a coma. Progress!

The Reds thoroughly controlled the Brewers, who are terrible. Also, Bryan Price got into quite the dust-up with the Cincinnati media over the reporting of things he did not enjoy having reported. 77 f-bombs is pretty good for a deleted scene from Scarface, let alone an MLB manager. My favorite part is probably when he says to the beat writer “your job is not to sniff out every f****** thing is about the Reds and f****** put it out there for every other f****** guy to hear. It’s not your job”, which seems very much untrue!

TWEETS WE LIKED

I think we all suspected that Kyle Seager was a finger-sniffer pic.twitter.com/lz2bBFN1f5

— Jeff Sullivan (@based_ball) April 21, 2015

Which is NOT a Vanderbilt baseball player and likely first round pick: – Walker Buehler – Carson Fulmer – Tipp Nosebread – Dansby Swanson

— David Roth (@david_j_roth) April 20, 2015

Jerry Blevins is the best. Fractures his forearm, and responds by posting this: https://t.co/DRgxUo0I5A Wishing the former National well.

— Dan Kolko (@masnKolko) April 20, 2015

ARTICLES WE LIKED

Grant Brisbee grades the unwritten rules in the A’s/Royals debacle

Ryan Sullivan talks the ins and outs of scouting with Baseball Prospectus’ C.J. Wittmann Jr.

Clint Robinson has a heck of a lot of bats, and one special one.

TODAY’S BEST PITCHING MATCHUPS

Lance Lynn (STL) vs. Gio Gonzalez (WAS) (4:05 PT)

It’s a shame that the Cardinals and Nationals are playing a series while the Nats aren’t yet firing on all cylinders, but the pitching should be right on.

Collin McHugh (HOU) vs. Taijaun Walker (SEA) (7:10 PT)

Walker goes into this game with an ERA in the upper teens, and there’s a feeling that if he still looks shaky today he might head down to Triple-A for a bit. Facing Houston’s K-heavy lineup might be just what the doctor ordered (unless there’s something physically wrong with him, in which case the doctor should probably order medicine or something)

Brett Anderson (LAD) vs. Tim Lincecum (SFG)  (7:10 PT)

Damn, this would’ve been a hell of a game in like, 2010.